dusty_retro

He has an appointment for the 11th.

I'm hoping for a miracle, but I know I can't put things off in the off chance he gets better.

It'd be nice, but keeping him just means he suffers more.

He's too important to me to do that to.

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

Been working on sorting my belongings, don't know if I mentioned it here or not, but eh.

Been gathering dough and cheese boxes from work. They're very nice quality cardboard, thick, but not too much. That way I have strong boxes of similar size to sort things into and can tidely pack them in the closet once I'm done.

Eventually will buy more of the clear totes I like, but for now this is a good method for things I can't have out or don't use as often enough to justify using my limited space.

Admittedly I've been adding more to it- Found Iron Giant figures that are amazingly close to model. One of my all time favorite movies, so I felt the need to jump on them.

Have hopes the main organization will improve my living situation though. Time will tell.

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

How the heck do you do that when you spent 6hours between troubleshooting a washer that should have been done 5hours sooner, paired with dental pain so bad I couldn't even nap until midol kicked in.

It's at least not hurting now?

I'm at least only struggling to talk and not struggling to look at things without going cross-eye?

I at least don't feel /utterly/ slogged for getting only 2hours sleep at most?

Listen, my life just constantly feels like trash piled on more trash, usually when I finally try to get better. I don't

Best I can think of good-good rn is that I managed to chatter with a friend during that ordeal and open up. That's the best I got.

If there's more, I'll try to edit this for it. No promises because I'm not sure on if I'll keep it- memory-wise or just energy to edit this.

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

Slowly working on organizing my room.

Funnily enough I started watching a video on the Container Concept while making the icon I wanted to use for this entry, and it's basically something I was starting to put into effect while reorganizing.

Granted, I was putting little use items into boxes to either store or get rid of. I'll revisit it as I go through things more. Got a whole closet to apply it to.

But I feel better about the room even separate of it. I'm still cluttered, but I got the idea on how to fix that. Just need to get the contain-ers sorted and figure out what things I'm willing to get rid of or store away until I have a better living space.

Yolo,
Dusty

So I cut out some of my social medias, but Tumblr has been hitting the hardest

I keep going to open the app. But I deleted it, and even if I hadn't, I logged out to keep me off it.

But I also cut out soda-caffiene. It's been just as hard, but I've cut that one out before until family tempted me with soda again. I felt better last time so high hopes for this run.

I want life to be better. I'm sure Tumblr will fade like soda had.

This might be the best way to go.

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

Whenever I get like this, I struggle to come up with Happy things on my own.

Like, right now, I want to think of something happier to balance out the negative. But I just... Struggle.

The good things either don't seem good enough. Or don't seem good at all.

I feel like a weight that's only good for that, and I wish I could be more positive, but... I also know I need to let myself feel. Like this. At all.

Spent so much of my life hiding my emotions and feelings to survive a step father I hated, who got mad at me for showing emotions(and a mother who was taught to hide her own, and thus tried to teach me because it's all she knew how to do.)

But I guess I shouldn't feel bad for not being happy. This is how I am. I /need/ to be able to acknowledge and go through what hurt me, in order to get over it.

Guess I mostly just hate that I don't have or recall good things to look forward to thinking about when these times run their course.

Today I had a mini breakdown in front of a cashier of the company I work for.

This whole last month I've been on the edge of crying. I could feel it, prodding. Today it finally hit, and now the 22nd will be known to me as Murphy's Day.

I started laundry last night, that I forgot to run through the dryer. I left for my cat's 8:30 appointment at a minute past 8am when it takes a half hour to get to the town his vet is, because of the whole clothes drying.

I forgot I needed to top off gas. Upon getting out of my car, halfway to the other town, I realized I forgot my wallet at home. Called the vet to let them know I'd be late and since I was doing this before a 10am shift, it was meaning I'd likely be late to work.

I get home and try to get in the side door since it looked like my sis was up, maybe save myself a few moments. It's locked. I have to go around and unlock the door.

I get out, back on the road, and stop at the gas station by my house to top off the gas.

The chip reader enters a loop of 'please remove chip' even after I've done everything right up until then. A solid 15seconds and it's going off like that. So I go inside, grab a food and drink to help me destress, and when it comes to putting gas on the pump... The pump needed me to cancel it... When it didn't have anything showing or labeling to cancel. Again, company I work for. This is news to me when cashier says it. I'm struggling to not stress out more and try to say I'll leave cash and just move pumps. She insists on just running out and about then is when I break down and start crying.

Probably made her uncomfortable when I literally said I was trying. Or to cry, things kept going wrong today.

I all but bawl at the register as I try to calm down. Least until I get to my car.
Eventually manage to hold it to call and ask just to reschedule because I am already breaking down and it's raining, and I'll end up driving unsafely either from crying the whole way or accidentally speeding for feeling rushed.

Wound up whimpering and letting myself whine on the way home and sat in my room crying until I need to leave for work.

Work has been a continuous stream of small 'things going wrong' since then.

Don't think I'll be making plans for this day of the year from here on out.

My Mum and I went thrifting yesterday. Found a lot of awesome Tupperware for my little goal/addiction.

Piece in reference to title was a chip and dip place/bowl combo. Think I threw the lady off and she mistook the jello mold on top of it for being part of the same item. Ergo: The tag was still on the chip tray and ooooooof I had a moment where I thought it might have been the case, but she moved on immediately so I just assumed I had thought wrong.

Nope. I was right.

Going in today to make sure I pay it and the booth doesn't lose a sale/item.

Aaaaand probably going to go ahead and buy a cool table I saw the last two times I was in. Aside the tupper, also been thinking bout it since then.

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

Picked up a stray cat yesterday!🐈‍⬛
Pretty sure is a girl) She's an absolute sweetie, and it's going to be hard to part already.

But I picked her up with intent to take her to get checked for a chip and have a much needed vet visit, then off to the shelter if she doesn't have a pet parent, so that's what's happening. 🥺😮‍💨

Cat's been hanging out in the ditch by work for almost a month (that I know of) and not sure if abandoned or just lost track of. Not necessarily afraid of people and when I went to put on a harness there was basically no fighting it. (Meanwhile she did fight a little at the carrier when I caught her.)



Yolo,
Dusty 🐇

At the store. Broski and I needed new pants for work, and he also needs a haircut.

We grabbed soobway because they don't open til 9am (Google had false information and said 8am) and grabbed the sweet onion chicken teriyaki with olives, spinach, and provolone. 😋

Not too bad, even with the delay to getting to get him from work and going home. 👌

Yolo,
Dusty 🐇